The Bomb
by swisstony
Summary: Sequel 2 my first fic 'Crawled out of the sea'. Vince POV. Dedicated to my BETA Violence: The summary sucks but I hope u enjoy: D
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own this...lol...: D**

**This is a sequel 2 my first fic, I hope everybody likes it: )**

**And thanks 2 BeckyRocks-x and Freak4life108 for their great reviews: )**

**Dedicated to my fantastic Beta Violence, it's a privileged: D**

**That's like an acceptance speech lol...**

It was dark and cold, but he was still hiding. He was frozen in place  
staring, staring at nothing and everything. They'd gone upstairs. Howard had  
lead her upstairs to the flat that they shared his arms full of her stuff.  
Eventually he'd summoned the strength to go up there himself, his feet  
dragging behind him as he made his way up the stairs. He felt desolation. He'd  
never felt like that before; so empty that he wanted to cry and never stop.  
What had happened? Why was it...like this? He loved Howard and he was pretty  
sure that Howard loved him, so who the hell was she?  
When he stepped into the flat it was an empty mess, HER things were scattered  
everywhere. She'd only been there five minutes and already she'd contaminated  
their space.  
His heart stopped beating at the sound of a giggle and a clink. He turned.  
The flat was dark, so dark he could see for the first time the shaft of light  
under Howard's bedroom door. She was in there with him.  
He didn't stop to think. Moving on impulse only, he darted into his bedroom,  
closing the door behind him softly. He pressed his ear against the thin wall  
that divided him from Howard. They were talking. His ear pricked up at the  
familiar creak of Howard's wardrobe door, there was a rustle, and then: _'Oh  
Howard...you kept it!'_ She had gasped, her voice flooding the fabric of the  
wall. '_My old uniform,' _she giggled. His pulse suddenly slowed at her words.  
_'Well, I always thought you might have come back.'_ It was clearly Howard  
speaking, but he sounded so different._ 'I wanted to.'_  
_'We had such good times at the Zoo, better than the ones before, do you  
remember?'_  
'_Yeah, I do,' _Howard answered back, half sighing half chuckling as he spoke.  
_'I was happy at the Zoo, Howard.' _The Zoo. She'd been at the Zoo, she'd  
worked at the Zoo with Howard... so she was the other Keeper. There had been  
another keeper who had lived and worked with Howard just like he had, but  
they'd been gone a whole year before he'd arrived there.  
He glanced behind him, tracing the outline of his _Nicky Clarke_  
hottestyoucouldget straighteners, which sat on his bed. But they weren't his.

His eyes widened. They were her's. They were her _Nicky Clarke_  
hottestyoucouldget straighteners. He'd found them gathering dust in a drawer  
when he'd first moved to the Zoo.  
Hang on though, she'd known Howard before the Zoo; she'd said it, he'd heard  
her. So how long had she known him? As long as he had? Longer maybe? How long  
had Howard been keeping her a secret from him? Why had Howard been keeping  
her a secret from him? So much didn't make sense.  
_'Bainbridge said, he said he...' _  
Bainbridge had said he'd slept with her. He remembered now, how Bainbridge  
had taunted Howard with the fact. The conversation he'd over heard between the  
pair that had never made sense at the time, but now it did.

**'So she's finally left you then, Moon...' **  
_'Bainbridge was a jerk off! He was just jealous of you, Howard,' _She  
continued cheerfully, but something about her voice sounded forced. A forced  
cheerfulness, not real, not happy like him. _'I'm going to be better here, like  
I was at the Zoo. I'll be better won't I?'_  
_'You can work with me and Vince in the shop. You'll like __Vince.'_ Howard had  
sounded strained as he spoke. It was him. It was because of him. Howard didn't  
even want to say his name in front of her.  
_'Do you like Vince, Howard?' _  
At the sound of her question he tensed against the thin barrier. Every particle of him seemed to vibrate waiting for Howard's answer.  
His phone suddenly exploded into life in his pocket. _Cars_ by _Gary Numan_  
drowned out Howard's reply.  
_'Vince!'_ , the phone! They had heard him. They knew he was in here.  
He didn't think. He couldn't think. He heard them moving and then he  
just...ran. He ran out of the flat, down the stairs. He ran away from the  
shop. He was running. He ran away from the flat, away from the shop, away from  
Bollo and Naboo, away from Her. He ran away from Howard, and especially he ran  
away from himself.

He ran away from Vince Noir.


	2. My Little Plan Pony

**Again I don't own this: D**

**4 Violence and Buttons thanks for reading, reviewing and spelling stuff lol...: D**

Eventually he'd stopped running. His chest was heaving and his head was  
spinning. He felt as if at any second he would blackout.  
But he didn't. He ducked down, staring at the pavement, his head between his  
knees as he fought for breath. Slowly he won the battle. He started to cry.  
His soft tears suddenly melted into heartbroken body shaking  
sobs.

Howard...Howard...

He slipped down, sliding onto his knees, feeling the  
rough wet pavement beneath him. He didn't even stop to think about the mess  
that the floor had probably made of his trousers; he didn't really care. His  
heart felt as if it was being torn apart, the splinters flooding him, spilling  
out. He'd never felt anything like this before. He didn't know how to deal  
with it, how to block it out. He'd never loved anyone ever, not the way he  
loved Howard.  
He raised his head up and glanced around. He was lost. Lost down some  
stinking back alley, crouching down behind some bins. Dying. He was dying. He  
wanted to be dying.  
If any of his 'friends' had seen him like that they wouldn't have believed  
it, but he did. In the back of his mind he'd always been afraid that it would  
end like this, that he would die alone and forgotten in the gutter. He'd come  
from the gutter; it made sense to just go back there.  
_'Do you like Vince, Howard?' _  
The sound of her voice and her question vibrated through his head, setting  
his teeth on edge. Oh God, all he'd wanted to hear was Howard's answer; he'd  
been prepared for the worst. But this, this was like torture. He wanted to be  
released, but at the same time he never wanted Howard to let him go. Without  
Howard he was nothing; he was just a shiny outline of a human being. Howard  
filled him up, he gave him meaning and a twisted kind of purpose.  
His stomach suddenly twisted, churning up inside of him. The pain was  
unbearable. Why, why had he waited so long? Why had he kept his feelings  
buried? If he'd never suppressed the way he felt about Howard, if he'd just  
acknowledged the fact that he was in love with his best friend, she would  
never have existed, she could never have come between them.  
The sickening truth of the situation ran deeper than that. He had been aware  
for many years that he was in fact in love with Howard, but he'd been too  
ashamed to admit it. He'd been too embarrassed at the thought of acknowledging  
his feelings for a man who everyone regarded as some 'Jazzy freak'. He didn't want his 'friends' to laugh at him, he didn't want to lose the profile he'd worked so hard to build up. He was a shallow little beach ball of a man.  
She wasn't shallow though, was she? She was young, blonde, fashionable and  
rich, and none of that had stopped her from wanting to be with Howard! He  
couldn't compete with her. He fought back the tears and closed his eyes,  
burying his face in his hands.  
He felt like he was fading away, like his life had never been real and was  
abruptly starting to dissolve around him. She was everywhere. She consumed his  
thoughts entirely. Every happy memory he ever had, most of which revolved  
around being with Howard, were replaced by Her. In his mind he cut off his own  
head, pasted her's on instead. He was the confuser. That suddenly made sense  
too. His first day at the Zoo, Naboo, Bollo, Bob Fossil and Bainbridge had all  
thought he was someone else. They'd all called him '**Howard's ugly girlfriend'**  
or '**Howard's ugly wife'**. At the time he'd shrugged it off. He'd thought they  
just didn't understand his look, that the gender confuser had confused them.  
But he had been the one confused, he was the 'ugly girlfriend/wife' and she  
was the proper pretty one.  
But proper or pretty, she'd still left Howard. She'd still just walked out one day and never came back. She'd never even bothered to show up at Howard's funeral. He'd never done that. He'd thought about doing it when Howard had pissed him off. But it had just been thinking. He would never leave Howard, could never leave Howard.  
But he had left Howard. He'd left him and now he was lost. Not only  
geographically lost, but deep in the pit of his stomach he had the sinking  
feeling that he had lost to her as well. Every moment that ticked by the wider  
the divide between him and Howard grew. It was so wide now, he knew there was  
probably no going back.  
He raised his head up out of his hands. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to  
die, he wasn't ready to lose Howard, and he wasn't prepared to let her,  
whoever she was, win.  
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed speed dial #2. Howard was  
obviously number #1 even though he never had his phone switched on. He waited,  
and while he waited the cogs slowly started to spark back into life in his  
brain. He should have used it more; he shouldn't have relied so much on Howard  
to come up with all the plans. He'd tried to think up a plan once and all he'd  
ended up doing was drawing a pink pony in crayon. He could have used a working  
brain at that moment.  
'Hey Leroy, it's Vince, can you come and get me?'  
After a short burst of conversation they'd both managed to establish his  
location. Leroy was coming, he was coming to get him and he was bring the most  
vital ingredient to his plan with him...his car.  
'I can do this, I can think stuff up,' he stated triumphantly to himself, smiling,  
turning, to be confronted by noone. The empty space behind him was stark. The  
pleasure died in his chest, giving way to another bout of something called  
loneliness.


	3. Let's Lightning

**Okay, so I'm not sure about the grammar in this I hope it's okay, and if it isn't I really hope it doesn't effect ur enjoyment 2 much...: D**

**Thanks 2 Stars of Andromeda, Xthursday NextX and Freak4life108 4 reviewing my last chapter means loads cus I lurv all ur fics and ur all really great writers: )**

**Thanks again 2 my BETA Violence: )**

**I do not own this: D**

**The title is also stolen from the Pull Tiger Tail song **_Let's Lightning._

**Enjoy...hopefully: D**

He listened to _The Human League. _

He'd always been a fan, but their music had now formed the basis of the soundtrack to his plan. He sat there in Leroy's car listening to _Don't you want me _over and over again. Everyday from the moment Leroy had picked him up from the alley, he'd forced his friend to drive him back to _Nabootique; _where the pair would just sit watching.

Everything told him he should just go back, he should just go back to the shop and have things out with Howard. But he couldn't, he was paralysed by his own fear. He couldn't stand the idea of Howard choosing her over him, he couldn't face being rejected by the only person he had ever truly deeply loved.

So instead he stayed in the shadows, he'd never been in the shadows before he didn't like it.

At first he watched Howard, he couldn't take his eyes off his best friend. But then slowly even he had gotten board, Howard didn't do anything! He just opened the shop and moped. He sat there day after day on his stool frowning and looking. He'd hopped Howard had been looking out for him, but his hopes had been dashed when he'd seen the animated expression of pleasure on Howard's face when she had walked into the shop. It had been pleasure, hadn't it? There hadn't been a hint of disappointment?

When he couldn't bring himself to spy on Howard any longer, he'd started to watch her.

It pained him to admit it but she was actually very interesting. He liked to watch her for her style alone, everyday she seemed to be cad in some new fabulously accessorised garment. If she hadn't been his arch nemesis; he thought he might have quite liked her.

But he hated her she'd stolen Howard!

She not only stolen Howard away from him, everyone else had seemed pleased to see her to; even Bollo! Naboo had even taken her out for a midnight spin on his flying carpet, he'd watched them as they'd spun around the moon. Naboo hated girls on his carpet!

Nothing seemed to add up any more, how could someone just breeze in and replace him replace his whole life.

She wasn't perfect though, although from a distance she had seemed as close to perfection that anyone had ever come. Her and Howard fought a lot, well they didn't exactly fight he just stood there bravely while she ranted at him waving her arms in the air. He was also pretty sure she was an alcoholic. A couple of times Howard had picked up her tea confusing his own cup with her's while they had worked in the shop, he'd smiled when he'd watched Howard spit the liquid out of his mouth. The look on Howard face had been a mixture of anger and disappointment. He'd loved it.

And then one day a couple of weeks after he'd run away from the shop he'd gone back. He didn't know what he was doing, it completely went against his plan. But he just couldn't keep away, he couldn't keep away from the shop, or his life and especially he couldn't keep away from Howard. He had to see him, and by see him he didn't mean while hunched down in Leroy's passenger seat. Going into the shop had felt like the best and worst thing he'd ever done in his life. His eyes had darted around the small room soaking it in. He'd missed it.

Howard wasn't behind the counter he must have been in the stock room or up stairs in their flat. Their flat, his heart skipped a beat.

And then it started again when he saw her. She was standing in Howard's Jazz section listening to a retro W_alkman_ dusting. She was singing her voice was, well it was great but that was no surprise just another kick in the teeth.

He thought briefly about sneaking up behind her and violently pushing her over; but regrettably at the last moment he changed his mind.

When she turned they both jumped. Switching off her tape machine, her eyes narrowed as she regarded him. She had small brown eyes.

'Oh sorry I didn't see you there. Can I help you?' She smiled as she spoke, she had an accent one of those transatlantic jobbies; she wasn't American but he could tell she'd spent a lot of time over there. She moved past him making her way around the counter stopping behind it casually facing him. His skin bristled, she was standing in his spot his exact spot.

'I'm just browsing.' He murmured.

She shrugged, hopping up onto Howard's stool she pulled out a copy of _Cheekbone _from underneath the till. She skimmed through the glossy pages tapping her feet. He liked her boots, they were white leather _Luella _ankle boots.

'You read _Cheekbone_?' His curiosity got the better of him and he couldn't help but edge closer to her, she was like a magnet drawing him in.

'Yeah, do you want a look? I should be getting another one in...' She consulted the watch on her wrist.

'...ten minutes.' He reached out his fingers tracing the glossy pages of the magazine, he'd been so wrapped up in spying on Her and Howard that it had been ages since he'd found time to actually read _Cheekbone._ At the last minute he pulled away he had to be strong he couldn't give in, she had some powerful Yeti magic thing going on that just seemed to make you want to like her.

She shrugged and looked at her watch once again. It was then that he saw it, the long deep scar on her wrist, it was covered by the watches white leather strap but he could just make out the edges. So she was really messed up, messed up enough to have cut her wrists at some point. Poor Howard, he certainly new how to pick unsuitable life partners.

'Howard should be back soon.' She mused in her transatlantic twang.

'Howard!...I mean who, whose Howard?' His eyes had widened at the mention of Howard's name, he'd exposed his raw nerve to her completely. He'd tried to catch himself, but he knew it was too late.

'Why are you following me Vince Nior?' Her question took him completely buy surprise, it just sort of hung there in mid air between them.

'I...I...I...' His voice died suddenly in his throat as he heard the bell above the shop door ring. He was there, Howard was there standing behind him he could feel him in the room.

'Howard, look who came back.'

'Vince.' The sound of Howard's voice was like the most exquisite torture. He'd missed him with every fibre of his being.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again she was gone and Howard was standing in front of him. He couldn't bring himself to look at him, he knew he'd cry if he looked at him. He'd make a seen he'd get down on his knees in front of Howard and beg him to take him back. _I'm as good as she is, please Howard!_

'Vince where have you been I've been so...We've all been worried about you Little man.' _Little man _his heart swelled.

'I've been around.' Was that his voice? His voice and his brain seemed to be working independent from each other.

'Vince, you've been missing for four weeks!'

'Yea, I know.' Was all he managed to say. He'd had weeks to think over all the things that he'd wanted to say to Howard and that was it, that was all he could manage.

His eyes drifted off in the direction she had gone in, he couldn't help himself he had to check that she wasn't there that she wasn't listening. She wasn't.

'You met Mabel she's my...' His gaze suddenly cut Howard short. His eyes burned with a mixture of hatred, anguish and love.

'Yea, I know.' He spat, his words were filled with acid and he wanted them to burn Howard. He didn't need to hear the end of the sentence to know that it was over that he had lost.

_I hate you, but I love you..._

_Oh God I love you so much, I wish..._

Howard touched him. He put his hand on his shoulder, it was the best feeling in the world. And the worst. The worst because he wanted more, he didn't want Howard to ever let him go. But he knew this would be the last time that he would ever be touched by him.

'Vince I...I...'

He did the worst thing in the world. He left. He turned his back on Howard and he just left. He walked out of the shop, fighting to keep his emotion in check with every step he took.

He was a selfish sniffling coward.

'Vince!'

When he was safely outside, he burst into tears.

They were the tears of a man who'd lost all hope.

He'd lost his Howard...


	4. Kiss with a fist

**Okay I'm not 2 sure about the next couple of chapters I think they're really poor. But n e way I hope my lack of grammar doesn't spoil this 4 u guys: D That didn't make much sense lol...**

**Thanks 2 LDNatalie (who I forgot 2 say thank u 2 4 review before...sorry), Freak4life108, Stars of Andromeda (not sure how much ur gonna like this next bit...lol...), XThursday NextX, Chugirl2526: D Thanks u guys 4 reviewing the last chapter it means loads and loads and loads: D I hope u guys all like this next chapter: )**

**I don't own this: )**

**The title is once again stolen from a song **_Kiss with a fist _**By Florence and the Machine. **

After that he kind of just drifted away.

Another week seemed to pass and then another, he never went back to the shop. He stopped watching Howard and he stopped watching her.

He gave up hope.

He buried himself in the consultation of new friends and parties. He stopped making music though, his dream of fame and a band drifted away from him. It was never his dream, it had always been their dream.

Most nights he stay out until the early hours of the morning; there was not point in going home noone was waiting for him, he'd just shamble back to Leroy's flat alone.

On the surface his life hadn't really changed a lot he did all the same things that he use to do when it was him and Howard; but deep inside of him things had changed .Nothing was fun any more it was just boring and ugly.

He'd never expected his life to become so mundane, without Howard he never had any adventures. It was strange because when they had been together he'd always considered himself to be the one who brought all the fun and adventure to their relationship.

One night while he'd been on his way to meet Leroy and a couple of Electro girls they'd started seeing, he'd been suddenly side tracked. What had diverted him from his course he didn't know all he knew was he couldn't stop, his feet seemed to take on a life of their own.

But he did stop, and when he did he found himself standing outside the familiar entrance to the _Velvet Onion. _He couldn't remember the last time he'd been there, he'd stayed away purposefully. He smiled at the sound of Bob Fossil's voice, which boomed out from inside. He was doing one of his ridiculously long winded introductions.

Against his better judgement he went inside. The _Velvet Onion _was packed but he managed to find himself a space at the bar, from his vantage point he could see the stage and order himself a _Flirtini _at the same time.

He leaned against the bar sipping his cocktail half listening to Fossil, his eyes darted around the dimly lit club. They widened suddenly as he caught sight of Naboo, Bollo and the board of Shaman, they were seated close to the stage and the head of _Pie face _records was with them. He couldn't help it he looked desperately for Howard, he didn't see him a sinking feeling suddenly filled his stomach. He turned to leave, but it was at that very moment that she started singing. What he'd heard in the shop had not prepared him, her voice was better than good it was the best thing he had ever heard. However much he loved Howard he couldn't forgive him for what he'd done to someone who had such a talent. How could he let her sing Jazz when that voice was clearly made for electro.

Grudgingly he had to admit that they sounded good, everyone seemed to enjoy it even when she'd forgotten a whole chorus and just made it up as she went along. They were both wasted, he could tell from the expression on Howard's face that he was totally out of it.

When it ended to his surprise he suddenly found himself wishing that it had all gone on a little longer. He liked her voice and he'd missed Howard so much, he could have leaned against the bar and re-played that moment for the rest of the night. Over and over again he would have felt a swell of pride as he watched Howard strumming away.

He was wrong though, everyone hadn't liked the set they'd all loved it even Naboo and Bollo. He added his voice to the crowds request of 'MORE!' He ordered another _Flirtini _and positioned himself on one of the now vacant nearby bar stools. He watched silently as Saboo the Shaman who whenever he had encountered him always seemed to be bickering with Tony Harrison helped her down from the stage, Howard was getting poked in the chest by Bob Fossil who was obviously ordering the pair to get back up on the stage.

If Howard was going to do another song he didn't want to miss it finishing the contents of his glass, he hurried off in the direction of the toilets. To his dismay not only was the line to the men's toilets extremely long it was also populated mostly by people who knew him, the head Shaman Dennis, the child Shaman Kirk and Howard's blind friend Lester Corn-whatever were all positioned in the que. He had no choice but to duck into the ladies, so he ducked into the ladies which was thankfully empty. Disappearing into one of the cubicles he was followed into the ladies almost immediately by the sound of three sets of high heels drumming along the polished floor.

'You know you were pretty good out there, even though you had your Dad on back-up.' His ear pricked up at the sound of rustling and then someone snorting.

'Howard's not my Dad!' Her voice cut through him like a knife, he suddenly stopped what he was doing at listened.

'Yea, yea I know he's your b'

'You know I'm getting some vibes from that pink head.' Another voice interrupted them, she sounded vacant and distant as she spoke. He opened the cubicle door an inch and peered out. He couldn't help it the first thing that came into his head was how good they all looked. The distant vacant on who had just finished speaking was rocking a _Betty Page _pin-up girl type of a look, she had long rich chestnut hair and she was wearing a pink and white thigh length mini prom dress. From a distance he could just make out the faint pastern of white lips on the fabric. The one standing on the other side of Howard's...Her, was clad in an eclectic blue play suit, her accessories were all blue and red anchors earrings, necklace, belt. He almost wanted to sob with pleasure at the sight of her thigh high cherry red boots.

'You coming?' (Sailor, that's what he'd decided to call her in his head) asked.

'Just give me a minute.' She replied.

Sailor grabbed Betty and the pair left the toilets giggling away. He watched her as she pulled something thin and plastic from the this season leopard print bag that hung limply from her wrist. Studying the object for a moment she released a faint sigh.

'Shit.' She murmured softly discarding the plastic tube in a nearby bin she straightened herself up and left following closely behind her friends.

Curiosity got the better of him he left the safety of the toilet cubical and immediately set about retrieving the object from the bin, he groped around for a moment until his hand brushed against something hard. Even he knew what it was, it was a pregnancy test it wasn't just that it was a positive pregnancy test.

She was pregnant with Howard's baby!

He suddenly became very dizzy and dazed he stumbled out of the ladies' toilets, and was confronted immediately by the sight of Howard talking animatedly with the head of _Pie face records,_ she was not far away from him in a deep conversation with the Shaman Saboo.

The next day he left London.

It was only a few weeks later when he'd started working at _Euro Disney,_ that he met a girl called Clem.


	5. Clem

**Thanks 2 Radar Rox 4 being my BETA on this chapter: D**

**Thanks also 2 Freak4life108 and Chugirl2526 4 reviewing: )**

**Hope u guys all like this next chapter it was well hard 2 write but I hope it's not 2 hard 2 read: D**

**I do not own this: )**

**I also don't own Euro Disney, Home and Away or Neighbours: D**

The torture, his torture, never seemed to end.  
The story wasn't supposed to be like this, to end like that.  
Howard was supposed to be his, he'd been made to be his. They weren't meant  
to be apart, they were destined to be together. Always together never apart.  
He loved Howard and he knew that Howard loved him, he knew it, he  
did...he did. Did he?  
But it wasn't a story, it was real. It was harsh cruel biting reality. He couldn't live in dreams any longer, dreams weren't real, this was real. He had to grow up. He'd stretched out his childhood for as long as he could, but the elastic that held his life together had begun to fray.  
This was real, what was happening was real, there would be no happy ending.  
Happy endings didn't exist, not really...

_Clem._

He had met Clem on the first day that he'd started working at Euro Disney, she was Tinkerbell to  
his Peter Pan. They clicked straight away, she let him borrow her wings and he in return let her play with his plastic dagger. She was 95 rabbit 5 Killer Whale or at least that's what she told him hertherapist had told her. He'd only been half listening but it had been something to do with flash cards,and her trying to back over her boyfriend in a _VW Combie_.  
Clem was open and enthusiastic, she was a million miles away from Howard, and  
he'd needed that. They hadn't stayed working at Euro Disney for long, he'd been  
sacked within a week for customising his costume, and he'd managed to convince her  
to quit and go away with him. At the time travelling had sounded like a good idea in theory, in reality however they'd both been broke. Between them they'd had just enough money to book a one way flight to Australia. Clem was an Australian.  
Australia was genius! They moved in with Clem's parents and got jobs in a juice bar. They never paid any rent and all they seemed to do all day was play music. It transpired that she liked electro as much as he did, they formed a band and travelled around in her Dad's old van doing gigs in pubs.  
Australians seemed to appreciate good electro.  
They had adventures, lots and lots of adventures.  
The more time he spent with her the more he started to feel like the old him. The part of him that had died when he'd lost Howard slowly started to wake upagain. She took him to see the two icons of the Australian continent the locations where they filmed _Home and Away_ and _Neighbours_. He loved it!  
He was happy with Clem in Australia, he hardly ever thought about Howard. It wasn't the same though, something was missing between them. He knew that she loved him, but he didn't love her. He was close to loving her, closer than he'd ever been with any other girl. He knew that if he'd met her back in London before all that stuff had happened with Howard, he probably would  
spent the rest of his life with her making sweet electro music. She was his equal.  
But he hadn't, and when it came down to it she just wasn't Howard. Only Howard could make him truly happy.  
He'd never had to make do with second best before, he'd always got exactly  
what he wanted. But Howard was never going to leave her was he? If he hadn't  
chosen him over her before, he was never going to now, not now that she was  
pregnant with his baby.  
He'd realised when they'd been driving along one night that she  
probably wasn't pregnant with Howard's baby any longer, a whole year had  
passed since the events in the Velvet Onion and by then Howard would have  
been a proper Father. He wondered how his friend had adjusted to his new role. He  
wondered if Howard ever thought about him, if he ever missed him.

When you're happy time goes fast. It went fast with Clem.  
The next thing he had known his birthday had gone and then hers and then another whole year. He'd never celebrated two birthdays with any girl he'd been seeing before, it was a landmark. But it hadn't been long until she'd started to get itchy feet, she'd wanted more, and he didn't have any more to give her. It had hit him hard when he finally realised that they weren't going to go any further, that they'd never make it to three birthdays and that sooner or later he'd end up back where he'd started alone again.  
'Do you know where you're going, Vince?' She'd turned to him one night and asked in her casual way. He'd shrugged. Her question had been much deeper than it had appeared, his silence spoke volumes. When he'd woken up the next morning she was gone. He'd thought about searching for her, but in the end he just let her slip away. He never saw her again.

After Clem left him he didn't stop, he just kept travelling, never connecting with anyone or any thing. He drifted half way across the world and then back again. He was searching, searching for someone...not Howard...himself. He searched the globe to find himself, again.  
And then one day he just stopped...  
He'd finally run out of money, he had no idea how he'd managed to stay afloat for so long. He'd had no choice but to go back to London.  
When he finally arrived back, standing in the airport waiting for Leroy to pick him up he suddenly realised that four years had past.


	6. Four years later

**So this is the last chapter: D**

**Over finally...lol...**

**Thanks firstly 2 Violence and Radar Rox who were both my BETAS: )**

**Thanks 2 Freak 4 life 108, LDNatalie, BeckyRocks-X, Chugirl 2526 4 reviewing the last chapter and most of the others: D**

**Thanks also 2 Stars of Andromeda, Xthursday NextX, and ButtonsMagoo 4 reviewing overall: )**

**Ure review have been well helpful: D Thanks sooo much 4 all the feedback: D**

**Enjoy: )...hopefully; )**

It was a week later that it had happened. He'd been travelling in the back of a taxi, coming home from one of his nights out with Leroy. Leroy wasn't with him. It was ten o'clock in the morning, gridlocked London traffic surrounded him. He watched from the back of the taxi, staring at the people in their cars. Frustration and music seemed to mix with the exhaust fumes.  
'Do you wanna get out here, mate?' The taxi driver's coarse voice roused him from his stupor. He was taken by surprise; he'd expected the driver to say nothing, just let him sit there with the meter running.  
He got his stuff together, which didn't amount to much and fished in his  
pockets for the fare.  
'Thirty Euros.' The taxi driver informed, giving him an exact figure to  
locate. His hand suddenly brushed against the fabric of a crisp euro note, he had the exact money he never had the exact money. He'd frowned as he'd  
passed the note to the driver, he'd been sure that he'd spent all the money he had the night before. He was just about to jump out of the taxi when he realised he didn't know where he was.  
'Do you know how I get to'  
'You wanna go that way, mate.' The taxi driver cut him off, pointing.  
He shrugged. It had been raining, but as he climbed out of the taxi it abruptly stopped. The traffic started up behind him and he watched as the taxi suddenly speed off, bleeding into the other rush hour cars.  
He yawned and slipped off his jacket. He meandered casually down the street in the direction that the taxi driver had shown him. He didn't know the street so he looked around, he looked at the shops, peering in the windows, studying his reflection in the glass.  
Time seemed to stop as he walked. Even the birds seemed to stop singing and  
the people disappeared. All he could hear was the crunch of his white  
leather boots on the wet pavement.  
_'Howard!'_ His heart paused, his breathing stopped.  
'_Where's Howard?'_ Has anyone seen Howard?' He knew that voice, the voice  
haunted himit was her voice.  
_'Howard you ballbag.'_ Naboo, that was Naboo.  
He kept walking. He tried to stop but he couldn't like they had back when  
he'd visited the _Velvet Onion_, his feet had taken on a life of their own. When he rounded the corner he was suddenly confronted by the sight of his former friends, they were all there all standing outside of an ugly looking red brick registry office.  
A registry office. His heart skipped a beat, that was all he needed, to become an unwitting witness to the wedding of the love of his life.  
Howard was there, he was standing next to her, smiling, wearing a mustard coloured suit. It was so ugly. Bollo had a camera and was busy snapping away.

_'Now just bride and groom.'_ The ape ordered.

They all seemed to be staring at Howard, even she was staring at Howard they all seemed to be expect him to do something. Kiss her, he wasn't sure if he could stand to see Howard kiss her.  
_'Howard get out of the shot you ballbag.'_ Naboo had told him, rolling his eyes as he spoke.  
_'Oh right,'_ Howard chuckled, letting go of her arm and stepping to one side, turning to stand next to Bob Fossil who seemed to be crying. He moved a little closer, crossing the road, his mouth falling open at the sight of Saboo the always irritable Shaman eagerly taking up the space where Howard had been standing, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. They kissed, they stood there kissing in front of Howard!  
How could they, how...  
Fuck, he really was thick!  
It dawned on him like a sledgehammer, this wasn't Howard's wedding it was hers, she'd married the Shaman!  
'_Mabel...' _Someone called her name and then he remembered...Mabel...she was Mabel Moon.  
The last time he had seen her she'd been about twelve and all fringe. Her fringe had been so long that it had completely obscured the fact that she had eyes, small brown Shrimplike eyes...just like Howard's. He looked at her for a moment and he suddenly understood why everyone had thought she was Howard's girlfriend when she'd worked at the Zoo, except for the eye thing there was  
no way to know that they shared genes...that she was his sister.  
She was his sister! Fuck!  
His eyes went to Howard, his Howard, he was his Howard. Howard was clutching  
a little boy awkwardly in his arms, the child looked like a mixture of the  
Shaman Saboo and his sister. He wasn't a Father he was an Uncle, he was Uncle Howard!

_'Memory card full.' _Bollo announced breaking the spell that had fallen over him.

_'Shit off! Can we go to the fucking reception now?'_ Wailed Tony Harrison, whowas being carried in a papoose the arms of Howard's sister's friend _Betty_.  
_'I will destroy you, you fucking cleft! Who even invited you to this wedding?'_ Saboo raged at the pink head/bladder, Mabel gripping his arm and holding the Shaman back.  
_'Let's go, I need a drink anyway.'_ She giggled. Vince watched as she planted a coy kiss on her new husband's cheek. So she was still an alcoholic then.  
Everyone seemed to follow the pair, everyone but Howard and Naboo. Howard seemed to linger at the back, seemingly lost in his own thoughts, while Naboo had vanished.  
'You owe me thirty euros.' The familiar voice next to him shocked him out of his trance, he turned his head almost jumping out of his skin when he realised Naboo was standing next to him.  
'What? What for' That was not the greeting he'd expected from the tiny Shaman.'You're a ballbag, Vince.' Naboo muttered before trotting off to rejoin Bollo and the rest of the wedding party, stopping briefly next to Howard. He watched mutely as the wedding party drifted off, still struggling to digest what a plum he had been. A shadow crept over him suddenly and when he  
looked up he saw Howard standing over him. He smiled.  
'Howard.' He whispered softly, his voice dying in his throat. He'd thought about all the things he'd wanted to say in the event of this glorious wonderful moment, but he realised suddenly that everything he'd thought about saying was just rubbish, none of it really mattered.  
So instead he just kissed him...  
It was no ordinary kiss, it was one of those kisses you only get once in a life time. Perfect. He poured all of his love, and his need, all of the anguish and lust that had been pent up inside him for four long years.  
Howard reciprocated the kiss with just the same intensity of emotion. He loved him and he revelled in the explosion of joy irrupting inside him with the knowledge that Howard loved him back. When they finally parted both breathless, all he could manage to say was a weak. 'I love you.' But it  
wasn't weak, it meant everything, he meant everything.  
'I've been such a plum Howard, I've wasted all this time.' Howard silenced him by pulling him into another kiss. It was different, rougher, but he still enjoyed it. He knew he'd never get tired of kissing Howard. The four years suddenly evaporated like the haze of a dream, nothing had changed between them they fitted together like they always had...like they always would.  
'Come on Little man.' Howard grinned holding out his hand. He didn't think twice he reached out and grabbed him, entwining his fingers with Howard's.

The wedding reception was a nightmare. It wasn't that it was bad, it was good, really good, in fact it was one of the best parties he'd ever been to that wasn't hosted by himself. It was Howard. Now that he finally had him, now that they had finally been reunited, all he wanted was to be with the man he  
loved. He burned for Howard. But every time he got within a whisper of him they  
were suddenly cruelly separated again. Everyone wanted to know where he'd been and what the hell had been going on. At one point he'd felt like a rag doll being pulled in so many directions. Howard was busy too, doing formal 'Father of the bride' things, like toasts there were a lot of toasts.  
And then finally, after waiting for what seemed like an eternity, everyone seemed to leave at once.  
They were alone for the first time in four long years...

'That's genius!' He grinned enthusiastically, craning his head back in the soft fabric of the pillow behind his neck staring, at the poster which hung above Howard's bed.

'Oh yeah that.' Howard replied, attempting to appear casual about the whole thing, failing he couldn't hide the swell of pride that washed over him.  
The poster was of Howard and his sister, well, more of her than Howard; it was artwork for a Jazz EP. Staring at the poster he suddenly realised how much time had elapsed since they'd last been together. It was scary, the thought that he could have wasted his whole life over a misunderstanding. It was all so clear now, everything. Thinking back it should have been clear then, why hadn't it been? Maybe it was him? Maybe he hadn't been ready for a proper relationship with Howard. Maybe he'd had to grow up first. Not too much though, he was still him, a little rougher round the edges but what was inside, what had always been inside him, had remained the same.

He was still Vince Nior.  
'You're quiet.' Howard's voice broke though the noise of his own thoughts.

'Thinking.' Was his monosyllabic reply.  
'Oh.' There was the hint of panic of fear in Howard's voice when he spoke again. He hadn't expected Howard to sound like that, he'd expected him to make some kind of joke about him 'thinking'. And then he realised what he'd done, he'd slept with him, he'd taken Howard's virginity and the next morning he'd just gone. Howard must have thought that he didn't want to know him.  
'Oh god Howard I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, oh god!' He surprised himself, he broke down suddenly bursting into floods of tears. He could feel Howard staring at him.  
'Little man, it's okay...it's okay. Vince...' He felt the warmth of Howard as he wrapped his arms around him in a desperate bid to comfort him. It only made it all so much worse, the guilt burned inside of him.  
'Little man.' Howard whispered, as he leaned down planting a kiss on his lips. He didn't think, he couldn't think, he didn't miss a beat; his tears stopped and a flow of kisses quickly followed.  
'Oh god Howard I love you, I love you so much.' He uttered softly when their  
lips finally parted.  
'I love you too, Little man.' His heart suddenly somersaulted. Howard loved him, he'd been dying for so many years waiting desperately waiting to hear those words, to hear them from Howard's own lips. Howard's lips. He kissed him again.

'I'll never leave you Howard. I'll never leave you I promise. On Gary Numan's life I love you Howard, I'll never leave you again.'  
He kept his promise. He never left Howard, ever.

**That ending was sooo sappy and rubbish lol...**

**Thanks 4 reading n e way: D**


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